The fall semester began today.  However being a distance ed student, I have little of the excitement, or anxiety that comes with the first day of school.  I loved campus life.  I was involved in so many different groups, activities, a couple of odd jobs as well.  It is something I am thankful for, I had my turn and now I get to focus on my family, and my classes from home. For now anyway.

My daughter's birth inspired a lot of change in me.  That was the purpose of this blog.. to document those changes.  Well, she has inspired further change.  I am switching my educational focus to nursing. this is going to be a huge challenge for me.  Here is the main reason:

I hate blood..gore and well bodily fluids
    - I will say that when i was givign birth I was able to get past is. and recently at a blood draw I actually watched my blood being drawn, the needle go in and everything. all while baby-wearing.  I was a bit nervous that little hands would think it was fun to grab at the needle or the tubing, but Emily-Victoria was really good.  I am also trying to slowly expose myself to things that generally made me light headed or squeamish as well.  So far so good.  My fear of needles and blood though comes from when I was 8.  I had a particularly bad asthma attack, I stopped breathing for a bit there were ropes of mucus, and I was just a sick puppy.  Because I was so sick, ie dehydrated they had a hard time getting a vein, and botched the job royally.  They ended up poking an iv tube in me and pumping my fist to get the blood.  I am not sure what idiot was allowed to do that, but it happened and I still remember it.

However, I have a huge reason to want to pursue this.  I had an incredible pregnancy and birth.  don't get me wrong, my morning sickness was ridiculous.  Gaining weight was next to impossible and I was throwing up so much that dehydration was a constant for me. but, once I got passed that..well ok no pregnancy sucked.. but it was still very worth it.  I fully believe that the pain we go through to gestate a human life is so incredible and prepares us for when they are here.  You carried this person for so long, through sweat and tears and nasuea and jeans that fit just yesterday but not today that you have to love them.  if you didn't why did you go through all of that?  We harmonize the outcomes with the experiences and remember it as a beautiful beautiful thing, if we dont look too close.

Birth though. MAN, that was incredible.. I am a warrior. let me repeat that, I AM A FRICKEN WARRIOR.  and because I am a warrior, and I know you are too, I want to learn to help you bring your baby into this world, with compassion and understanding and help you to trust yourself and your body.  I want to become a Certified Nurse Midwife.

I have a couple of classes to take, and a nursing entrance exam to take and then it is on, and I am back on campus with the thrill and exhilaration of being a full time student, once more.  Until then, I will savor each beautiful moment with my inspiration.  Watching her giggle and sit up to do her twisty twisty cute dance is the funnest thing ever!!